Sometimes I wish I'd never asked.
Sometimes knowing a little, is knowing too much.
And once you know something, there is no going back.
I think that's why I have such an antipathy to sites like Facebook - because they tell me all the things I never wanted to know before I even knew I didn't want to know them.
They tell me she had a baby - he's got a new girlfriend- they finally got married - things that don't necessarily impact my life anymore in any way whatsoever and yet here I am, clicking my way through your family holiday album learning all these things we'll never actually talk about in person - things I'll shelve away in the dark corners of my sub-conscious until I see you next when we'll both ask "how are you?" like we don't already know.
I must admit some of the things I learn are amusing. Some of the tidbits are often just day-makers and re-appear in text messages to my friends who I know will also appreciate the giggle. But mostly? I just want to click undo in my mind and go back to wondrous oblivion. It's much safer there; it's not filled with reminders that tell me to regret that I let you into my life, that I walked into yours, or that there are still even remnants of our paths colliding embedded forever in my conscience or alternatively, your facebook.
But as I've learnt, there are no erasers - no 'delete all' option - no way to get back the innocence that you offered up so freely for a taste of curiosity. Nothing to undo the new pain that comes with knowing too much.
I think the answer is simple. Maybe I should take five minutes before the next time to assess the consequences this decision might bring - big, bad or otherwise.
I should just say to myself - "Self, ten years - three months - hell; a week from now: Am I going to regret this?"
Lesson Eight: Make better choices.
Better living everyone. xx
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