It's kind of like a test you can't study for but worse because you never know how you did or if you're even on the right track. In fact, I'm tired just thinking about it. And to make it worse, the whole time you're having this inner monologue - about whether or not you should say the funny thing that just popped into your head in case he thinks you're weird coz you're talking to yourself - you're supposed to be effortlessly witty and charming and seductive all at once.
Am I the only one who obviously slept right through "Human Interactions: Romantic Relationships 101" at birth? Because most other people seem to get through it with relative ease and some even manage to do it with enviable flair. But me? I'm still trying to figure out where the rules are written. The ones that say I'm supposed to be his everything without losing 'me' in the process. The unwritten code of conduct that tells you to smile at his jokes, flit effortlessly between intelligence and naivete and still toe the line of enthusiasm without falling into an abyss of desperation.
It's a complicated little dance that everyone else seems to know the steps to - the 'making less of things so you don’t seem petty'. The 'making more of things so he seems impressive'. Trying to reach that happy medium of cool and vulnerable. So that it doesn’t look like you need a man. Or even that you want one. Just that he should work hard if he wants to be yours. All that seems to be inbuilt in the average person but mostly, it just grates on me.
I'm hoping some day I'll have this whole game figured out.
Otherwise, I had better get to liking cats.
Lesson Twelve: Play to win.
Have a lovely week. xx
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